


Of Those We Value

by RoamingHalla



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Post-Dragon Age II Quest - All That Remains, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-13 22:29:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16901022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoamingHalla/pseuds/RoamingHalla
Summary: Simply a comfort piece involving Ilyse Hawke after All That Remains.





	Of Those We Value

The door closed slowly behind her, and the creaking noise it made was the only sound that dared to echo across the Estate. Ilyse shuffled towards her bed, her steps were sloggish and distinctly slow. Walking by, the warrior extended her hand and let her fingers skim the top of the blanket, it felt so soft to touch. She let her eyes look down on it for a few moments, then she sat down on the edge.

And Ilyse just sat there, her gaze focused on the floor below her. Fingers clenched agaisnt the silken covers, and she didn't know really what to do. Well beyond sitting there, preferably alone; it would be less than ideal for anyone too see her so quiet, and just see how down she was. Ilyse hated the thought of anyone- (mostly anyone, only two people came to mind that she felt okay with seeing her) in the self blaming state she was in. That thought in itself made shivers travel up her spine, the hair on her neck now stood up.

Every time Ilyse were to close her eyes, the only thing she could focus on or see was that face. So pale, wrinkling and dying, that stench of death that followed. All she could see was her mother, her mother she had failed in saving.

Ilyse exhaled again, her breathing was shaky and uneven, and she could feel tears stinging against her eyelids. And in this moment Ilyse did not much care to hide it, she just chose to sit here, her thoughts being her only company, just linger in the guilt and sadness. And she didn't mind that.

The door opening caught Ilyse's attention, but she simply turned her head to face the door, and who it was. A small feeling of relief hit her when she noticed the visitor was Sebastian, it seemed in this moment his was the most welcome, and appreciated.

"I will understand if you want to be alone, Hawke, and if you do not wish me here I will leave if you say the word. But I would not feel right to sit by while you suffer this by yourself." His words were filled with a reassuring tone, and he stood in the doorway, a choice she believed was so he made it clear he wouldn't intrude if she didn't will it.

"It does a soul no good to be tainted by such isolation, especially not in times of suffering." His voice was so soft, and it only seemed to blend in with the serene and peaceful silence that had overtaken the room.

Her mouth quivered, and she wasn't sure how to respond, she didn't want anyone to see her this vulnerable but there was part of her that was so grateful to have someone here, and to have it be him. Furrowing her brows, she took a few moments to think through her answer.

"I..I would not want you to leave." She answered, a statement that she swore he smiled ever so slightly at; a smile she always found so endearing. He then walked forward, leaving the door partially open as he did. Her words felt strange, she normally would happily accept company, and to barely handle a single person, especially one she cared so much for was so foreign to her.

Shaking her head, Ilyse kept her gaze focused on Sebastian. Shifting over slightly, a gesture to show that he could atleast sit.

As he did sit, his face turned to look at her. And she could almost swear seeing his concern in his bright, blue eyes almost brought a wave of certain comfort to her, and ever so weakly, she smiled slightly, but it didn't feel that genuine.

"I'm..I-" She didn't know what to say, how could she express this sense of failure and anger, the sense of hatred that burned intensely. "I don't know what to say, I can barely even wrap my head around the fact that when I get up tomorrow, she won't be there.." Her voice trailed off, and a certain sadness was trembling in it.

"Gamlen's right you know?" Ilyse phrased it more of a question, and in return all she could get as a reaction was a slight head tilt. Of course he wouldn't know what to retort with, he hadn't been there after all.

For a few moments neither of them spoke, the warrior looked back down at her feet. She could feel her anger grow stronger, but the sadness entangled with it too. And she couldn't seem to stop the tears that stained her eyelids. It was pathetic really, she shouldn't be this damn weak.

Her shoulders slouched, and her eyes were full of a painful mess of emotions, and she knew that Sebastian could tell so easily what she was feeling, and yet he didn't seem to pry or prod, instead letting her speak whatever came to her mind before replying. Even when she was being so distant to him, he was still so sweet and considerate. Fists clenched around the silken sheets, scrunching it. She then allowed herself to explain what she had asked earlier.

"I let her die you know? if I had been faster, stronger.. If I hadn't been so damn careless with this investigation and actually taken it seriously she would still be here.. I let her die!"

Her voice were now louder, but her shouting wasn't angry, instead it was broken, the shakiness didn't leave it. Ilyse nearly flinched, but stopped herself from doing so when she felt the archer place his hand on her leg. He looked up at her, and his expression didn't seem to change. "Hawke, you failed no-one, you are not the one who was responsible for her death, and I doubt she would want you to blame yourself."

_How little you know her.. Ilyse wanted to say, every damn she heard someone say that all she could think about was when Carver died and Leandra said to her she let him die, that her daughter should have been able to protect him and keep him alive. And even if she never meant that, it still stuck with her._

Ilyse didn't respond, she didn't know how to. In part, she knew he was right, that the one at fault was the killer, but the blame, the guilt wouldn't losen it's grip on her.

"I'm not sure if I can believe that, I want to, I truly do..but I can't." Her words were hard to speak, as if she had to push them out.

It hurt to admit it, and she tightened her grasp on the blanket, it scrunched under her hand. Tears fell, and she could feel it soak her finery. Biting her lip, her brows furrowed closer together as she thought. And Sebastian still stayed so patient with her, his hand still placed there for comfort and he still let her process it in her own pace.

Pausing for a moment, she looked down at her lap, Ilyse wasn't entirely sure how to word this next question. She was sure he had an answer, but what if isn't what she wanted to hear. She opened her mouth to ask it, but closed it again, still uncertain. Sebastian then moved his hand from her leg over to her hand that clenched around the blanket. His grip was still soft, and she looked down at where he held his hand over her palm and smiled softly.

"Do you think that even with everything she did, running off and marrying an Apostate to be specific, would she-" Collecting her thoughts for a moment, she then resumed. "Do you think that she would still be welcomed by the Maker's side?"

His nod was quite reassuring, but she didn't want to presume much of anything until her actually answered her question, but it was promising. "Your mother was a kind woman, Hawke. And she always acted out of a love for her family, that in itself is not a sin in His eyes." He stopped for a moment when he saw her eyes lit up at that response.

"The Maker would kindly welcome her." That answer, it wasn't what she had expected, but it did soothe her ever so slightly. If the Maker would accept her, then maybe she didn't fully fail her.

"That means a lot." Her voice though still quiet, a slight happiness could be heard. Her shoulders relaxed as she exhaled, calming herself.

"I-" She paused again, looking at the quill that rested near where her journal laid open. "Could you stay here? Until-" Pausing, she saw her again, briefly. Blinking, the warrior looked away again, avoiding eye contact with Sebastian. Her words stuck in her throat, and all she let out was a muffled whimpering sound. She didn't want to be alone, she couldn't handle it. (Oh Maker protect Bethany when she hears of this.)

"I just don't want to be alone, I don't think I can suffer through this alone." Her words were so broken, and you could hear the sadness in them, and tears streamed down her face, and she did move her hand to wipe them.

"Whatever it is you need, I am here for you. I know what that feeling of loss feels like, and I would never let you suffer through this alone." Sebastian spoke those words with a clearness in them, as well as a sensesof understanding. He did know what the experience of death can do to someone, and how quickly it can spiral out of control. Ilyse did know that, and where he was speaking from.

"I don't know what to say, thank you seems to be too little of a word, I feel like I should say so-" A small smirk appeared across her face, and paired with her otherwise broken expression it seemed out of place.

"I suppose I'm in your service now?" Her tone still held the same sadness, but there was something new in it; amusement.

A warm chuckle echoed through the room, Ilyse laughed as well. She was glad for it, that joy that sparked atleast for a second was so very welcome. They both knew exactly what she was referring to, and the light in the air felt nice, even if it didn't counteract everything else she felt, it still was a nice momentary feeling.

"But truly, thank you for this, this means much to me, more than I can express." They both sat there, and Ilyse didn't know how long she would need the company, but knowing Sebastian was there for her, that made things easier. Truthfully, she didn't know if she ever felt this comfortable around anyone else anymore, her sister was in the Circle and the rest of her family were either dead or..Gamlen. She truly appreciated having someone she could be so close with.

'You do not need to thank me, I am only doing what feels right, what _is_ right." 

Ilyse only smiled in return, hearing him say those words did mean much to her. She could be vulnerable with him, to have a person she could trust, and even if everything else hurt now or in the future, it did all seem even just slightly easier knowing she did not need to suffer alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Well here it is, first ever piece using a cannon character. I hope you all like it ^^; I'm still never going to be over Sebastian not being allowed to comfort a Hawke if you're trying to romance him


End file.
